[ABAD] 🎢 Why Chasing Happiness Might Be Making You Miserable

A neuroscience-based life reset guide, inspired by two powerful books

This article is a summary of insights from a YouTube video titled
“Neuroscience for Anxious and Overwhelmed People”,
which compares two thought-provoking books:

📘 Dopamine Nation by Dr. Anna Lembke
📙 The Sweet Spot: The Pleasures of Suffering and the Search for Meaning by Paul Bloom

Both books explore how our constant pursuit of pleasure often backfires, and how embracing certain kinds of discomfort can actually lead to deeper, more sustainable happiness.

Let’s dive in.

Why Unlimited Pleasure Leaves Us Feeling Empty

Imagine living your dream life. You have the luxury car, amazing relationships, gourmet meals, and no stress.

Sounds perfect, right?

At first, yes. But after a few days, you’d probably feel bored.

Philosopher Alan Watts suggested that if you could live any dream you wanted every night, you’d eventually choose uncertainty, struggle, and even risk. Why? Because pleasure without contrast loses its meaning.

Neuroscience agrees. According to the opponent-process theory:

Without pain, we cannot truly feel pleasure.
The more we chase pleasure, the more our brain balances it out with emptiness.

Dopamine Is Not the Problem, But Our Addiction to It Might Be

In Dopamine Nation, Dr. Lembke explains how dopamine, the brain’s reward chemical, drives our behaviors.

The more we stimulate dopamine—through scrolling, shopping, eating, binge-watching—the less our brain responds. So we need even more stimulation just to feel okay.

That’s why:

  • One cookie turns into four
  • One episode becomes a full season
  • One compliment never feels like enough

The solution is not more pleasure. It’s choosing discomfort intentionally.

Why Voluntary Discomfort Can Heal Your Brain

Practices like cold showers, fasting, digital detoxes, or even honest conversations create what’s called “voluntary deprivation.” This allows your brain to reset, recover, and regain sensitivity to natural pleasures.

It’s not about punishment. It’s about contrast.

Pleasure feels richer when it follows effort or struggle.

Procrastination Is Not Laziness. It’s a Brain Response.

The speaker in the video calls himself a chronic procrastinator. He waits until the last minute, every time.

Sound familiar?

Sometimes we delay tasks because we want to rest. Other times, it’s because something more fun comes along. But often, it’s deeper than that.

Procrastination can stem from:

  • ADHD (difficulty focusing or managing attention)
  • Depression (low energy or motivation)
  • Anxiety and perfectionism (fear of failure or judgment)

“If I don’t finish it, I can’t be judged for it.”
That’s the logic of the perfectionist brain.

Anxiety Means Your Brain Is Trying to Protect You

Anxiety is not weakness. It’s your brain trying to keep you safe. It comes from two systems:

  1. The amygdala (fast, instinctive fear)
    For example, when a car swerves in front of you
  2. The cortex (slow, thought-based worry)
    For example, wondering if you forgot to lock the door

The second kind is where things spiral. And when we avoid the source of anxiety, it often gets worse.

Why Avoidance Feels Safe but Makes Everything Harder

Avoidance often feels like self-care.

You cancel a meeting. Delay the project. Skip the event.

It helps in the short term, but it blocks learning and progress.

Without action, you never get to tell your brain, “See? That wasn’t so bad.” So the fear stays. And grows.

How to Reset Your Brain, Step by Step

Here’s how to take back control, based on both books and neuroscience:

  1. Act quickly
    Use the five-second rule. Do it before your brain talks you out of it.
  2. Break tasks into smaller pieces
    Don’t aim to finish the whole book. Just read the introduction.
  3. Watch yourself like a movie
    Practice metacognition. Observe your thoughts without getting caught in them.
  4. Be kind to yourself
    You’re not lazy or broken. You’re human. That’s enough.

Final Thought: The Right Pain Can Lead You to the Right Path

The most powerful insight in the video is this:

“The key to knowing who you are is not what makes you happy,
but what kind of pain you’re willing to endure.”

In other words, if something is hard, exhausting, or even painful, but you keep doing it because it matters, that might be your true path.

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